Dr John Mayer

10

November

2014

0

Dr John Mayer

Immaturity: Unintentional Coping Mechanism

  Immaturity: Unintentional Coping Mechanism

I’ve called attention to what I call the ‘Epidemic of Immaturity’ in the past few years. In doing so I stressed how I believe that our young people are more talented and informed than ever. In spite of their talent and knowledge many forces determine that immaturity continues to pervade the current generation of young people and generations to come. Certainly, there are exceptions as we see our young people accomplish amazing things with their talent.

Since I have been speaking about immaturity I’ve been asked why? What’s to blame? Who’s to blame? Parents? Schools? Society? The Internet? Media? Technology?

Well, the answer is multi-determined and multifaceted. All of these forces and more create this veil of immaturity that covers our young people in this current generation and will do so for generations in the foreseeable future.

In other Memos (Vol.26 No.’s 2 + 3) I have discussed the nature of this epidemic and what schools and parents can do to help young people. In this Memo my goal here is to point out the understanding that immaturity often unintentionally acts as a coping mechanism in young people. Think about this. If I (teen-child) act, think, emote immaturely, then I will not have to take on the stresses and pressures of adult life. I keep the adult world away from demanding that I become adult-like. I can postpone this for now and stay within the safe, comfortable cocoon of childhood.

How does this help us? Well, like many coping mechanisms in life, to help an individual we don’t jump right in and try to erase this coping mechanism because if we do there can be disastrous effects. Coping mechanisms are in place to protect us from anxiety, fear, stress, and emotional turmoil. Remove them without other tools in place and the person can be broken. If we continually approach immaturity as always negative in a young person’s life then we will not be successful at the goal of leading the youth into maturity. Break this coping mechanism prematurely and you increase the chances for this youth to act-out with poor school performance, alienation, psychological disturbance violence, drug abuse or gang activity.

So, five huge takeaways from this Memo: 1-Understand that immature behavior in young people is commonplace today. 2- Immaturity is not our enemy-it helps young people cope with the stresses of today’s world. 3- We build MATURITY in young people by replacing immature behaviors, thoughts, and emotions with alternatives that work for them. 4- This process from immaturity to maturity can be slow and takes patience from the adult world. 5- Stop addressing immaturity as an insult, a negative and start understanding immaturity as a coping mechanism of the not quite fully developed human being.

 

 

 

More here at: www.DrJohnMayer.comFollow me on Twitter @DrJohnMayer for daily tips for schools and parents on teens, tweens and kings and queens!

Check out my new Author web site for my fiction at: www.jemayerbooks.com and my tweets at: @jemayerbooks. Check out my two new fiction books: Immortal: The First Tango a new, scientific twist to explain the vampire legend and An Anger at Birth the story of a raging teen time-bomb and how we fail to help teens at-risk.

6

October

2014

0

Dr John Mayer

The 3 A’s for Effective Change in Families & Schools.

THE 3A’S

     IN HOME & SCHOOL

 

In the last Memo my mention of the 3A’s– Attitude, Approach, Atmosphere– resonated with readers and social media. I have long advocated that these three simple changes can have powerful benefits both in our homes and our schools. I’ve talked about these important tools for years when discussing helping young people but never really gave them a separate explanation and focus. So here goes, here’s how to apply the 3A’s to your home or school:

Attitude: Consider how you feel, what are your values and beliefs, then frequently EXPRESS your attitudes toward how you believe others should behave toward others and care for themselves. Don’t assume everyone ‘gets it’ by your actions. It is important to give voice your attitudes about how to live life. Your kids are listening.

Approach: This ‘A’ is all about modeling, the most powerful tool adults can use to influence young people. Put-downs, insults, sarcasms don’t build rapport, don’t motivate or enliven young people and will only generate such behavior toward you and others in return. Such humor or motivation has been consistently shown to not work and it gives kids permission to spread negative, mean spirited approaches. Simply put-stop it!

Atmosphere: It is one thing for YOU to change your attitude and approach and this will make a huge difference, but you can become even a more powerful results by standing up and making sure young people are surrounded by a healthy, positive lifestyle. You accomplish this by not having materials, products, messages or even people in your home or school that support negative or destructive behavior. Here’s how:

 

  • Schools: Join my career-long campaign to end sarcasm, student insults, etc. as allowable classroom techniques. Frequently send out reminders in staff emails, newsletters, even paychecks, that these practices are not tolerated at this school. Make this a part of staff evaluations.
  • Home: It should be zero tolerance at home when a family member is negative. This includes spouses, relatives, and visitors in your home. Example: Uncle Charley getting drunk at Thanksgiving dinner is not funny. Outside your home model this as well. Your children will be watching you with eyes wide open as you encounter others in the world. Your response/reaction will be powerful both on them and others. Your reaction doesn’t have to be a big confrontation, rather a non-tolerance of that person or situation by ending a transaction, walking away from an event, or otherwise not participating in someone or something that promotes destructive/negative behavior.
  • School and Home: I call this step-Stripping the Beds! Take an inventory of items in your home that promote negative/destructive behaviors and get rid of them. You may be surprised at what you find. Books, magazines, video games, CD’s, movies, decorations, unhealthy foods, clothing, etc. Schools: Posters and decorations in language labs, school mascots, names of clubs/organizations, etc. Schools: Ok, faculty may be on board with this attitude and approach, but is everyone in your building? Support staff? Seemingly unlikely sources-even vendors and/or maintenance staff can spread powerful modeling of unacceptable lifestyle and values. Take the inventory!

Follow me on Twitter @DrJohnMayer for daily tips on teens, tweens and kings and queens!

Check out my new Author web site for my fiction at: www.jemayerbooks.com and my tweets at: @jemayerbooks.

23

September

2014

0

Dr John Mayer

Mayer’s Memo — Racism Part II

Dr. Mayer’s Memo

Oct. 2014        Making a Difference–Racism 

 

In the last issue I posted my interview with a journalist who asked me to comment on How to Talk to Your Children/Students on Racism. In this Memo I would like to provide schools and families with some effective, powerful, yet easily implemented changes that will make a huge difference on racism.

 

If you have been reading these Memos for some time you know I am strong proponent of Attitude, Approach, and Atmosphere in how we change young people. Let’s start to call these the 3A’s. Powerful change happens when you change the 3A’s in you school or home.

 

Here’s how to apply the 3A’s to the issue of Racism:

Attitude: Evaluate how you feel and EXPRESS your attitudes toward issues of race. (Note: When using the word, race, in this Memo I am also talking about ethnicity, culture, sexism and religion. I also feel my advice here applies to physical differences and difference in general.) Practice always an attitude of equality and fairness.

Approach: Never use race, ethnicity, religion, or physical difference as quips, motivational tools, rapport builders, social commentary, or for any other purpose in your classrooms or homes. Such humor or motivation has been consistently shown to not work with young people and it gives kids permission to spread racism.

Atmosphere: It is one thing for YOU to change your attitude and approach and this will make a huge difference, but you can become even a more powerful change agent by standing up and making sure the atmosphere in your school or home is also not tolerant of racism. You accomplish this by not tolerating others in your school or home of having a racist attitude or approach.

Þ    Schools: Join my career-long campaign to end sarcasm, student insults, etc. as allowable classroom techniques. Frequently send out reminders in staff emails, newsletters, even paychecks, that these practices are not tolerated at this school. Make this a part of staff evaluations.

Þ    Home: It should be zero tolerance at home when a family member makes a mean spirited racial remark whether in jest or otherwise. This includes spouses, relatives, and visitors in your home. Outside your home model zero tolerance of racism as well. Your children will be watching you with eyes wide open as you encounter racism in the world. Your response/reaction will be powerful both on them and others. Your reaction doesn’t have to be a big confrontation, rather a non-tolerance of that person or situation by ending a transaction, walking away from an event, or otherwise not participating in someone or something that promotes racism.

Þ    School and Home: Take an inventory of items in your home that promote racism and you may be surprised. (Reminder-of all I’m using this word to embody, see above.) Books, magazines, video games, CD’s, movies, clothing, etc. Schools: Posters and decorations in language labs, school mascots, names of clubs/organizations, etc. Schools: Ok, faculty may be on board with this attitude and approach, but is everyone in your building? Support staff? Seemingly unlikely sources-even vendors can spread powerful modeling of racist attitudes and approaches. Take the inventory!

 

 

 Follow me on Twitter @DrJohnMayer for daily tips on teens, tweens and kings and queens!

Check out my new Author web site for my fiction at: www.jemayerbooks.com and my tweets at: @jemayerbooks.

 

4

September

2014

0

Dr John Mayer

How to Discuss Race Issues with Kids

Dr. Mayer’s Memo
Sept. 2014                                                Talking to Students about Race

Given our tumultuous summer I was about to kick off this year’s Mayer’s Memos discussing the issue of RACE. As I was preparing I had interview for an upcoming national publication. I thought it might be useful to share my answers with all of you. Please feel free to pass this along to your parents. My responses apply to students through high school-more to say next issue on this subject for all ages.

1. If you are an African American parent, at what age should you speak to your child about race or the fact that there are different races? Does the same timeline apply to children of other races? And what about white children? I would suggest you begin mentioning differences around the third grade for two reasons.1-Social. Before grade three kids are not as social. Their relationships are ‘me’ centered and the feelings and needs of others are not primary. 2- Cognitive (Their thinking abilities.) Prior to third grade are also ‘me’ centered so trying to get them to think and empathize about the plight of others is wasted effort-noble, but wasted. And, yes these same principles apply to children of all races.

2. When an issue like Ferguson comes up, is it best to shield young children from it? Or are we running the risk they get misinformation from other children? You (mom&dad) need to always establish yourselves as the holders of the facts they may hear about in the media and at school. I have discussed this previously in my school and parent newsletter, Mayer’s Memo, (see DrJohnMayer.com/mayers-memos) when national tragedies have occurred. Do this up until their teenage years and even then make sure you discuss news items in your home. Children will look to you until their teens as the ultimate authority on all such matters. (I could explain why, but out of the scope of this article-unless you ask me.)
3. How do you talk about racial violence without scaring a child?
Talk factually-it’s important. It is developmentally important for children to understand that the world contains danger, bad people, yes it is scary but coping with that fear is important emotionally for them. This is also why YOU (parents) need to stand out to them as authorities because it helps make them feel safe in the world.

4. My son is 6 and has just started highlighting the “differences” between him and his peers (he goes to a predominantly white school). For example, during a party he noted we were the only ones with “black” eyes. What is the best response to something like this?
This is a great time and a great example to exercise what I was saying in #’s 1-3. I would respond, Yes, we look different, but also look at the other boys; did you notice that everyone looks different? One has glasses, one has curly hair, one has blue eyes, and one has blond hair. We are all different and that’s so great, everyone is unique. When I talk to school kids in anti-Bullying assemblies I start out pointing up these differences-the students ‘get it.’ So, you are laying the foundation for good anti-Bullying prevention.
5. During playdate, a child asked my son, “You are supposed to have pink skin. Why don’t you have pink skin like me?” This seems like a teachable moment for both children. I told them that everyone has different skin and that is the way it’s supposed to be. Not sure I handled properly. What was the best thing to say? Should I have told his parents? First, you handled it perfectly, see #4 above. Second, yes, mention it to parents in what I call my “aw sucks” way. Not as if a problem, but they will want to know and follow up with their child because that child will need confirmation from their parents in order to accept and incorporate the message. See my answer to #2 above.
6. What should a parent do if their child is called a racial slur?
That’s a bullying statement and I would handle it in the same way that I have shown is the proven ways to intervene into bullying: Teach them to 1-ignore 2-don’t react 3-let you and any other adult in charge at the time of the slur know about the incident and then you, and/or that other adult (teacher, coach, tutor, etc) should reprimand the other child and also let the other child’s parents know about the incident. See my book on this subject: A Parents’ Manual on Bullying and Teasing, yep available at: DrJohnMayer.com/buystuff.
7. What should a parent do if they learn their child has used racial slurs? You need to place such incidents into your home consequence system and give a strong consequence for this behavior as well as explain to the child how inappropriate this behavior is. When the child is older you can point out how this makes the other child feel, remember at the youngest ages, prior to approximately the tweens, they don’t have the cognitive ability to really empathize with others feelings-see my answer on this above and, yep, I have a book on Discipline for Parents on my web site as well, see DrJohnMayer.com/buystuff.

More at: www.DrJohnMayer.com Follow me on Twitter @DrJohnMayer for daily tips on teens, tweens and kings and queens!

13

May

2014

0

Dr John Mayer

POWER TOOLS FOR FAMILY DISCIPLINE

POWER TOOLS FOR FAMILY DISCIPLINE

Parents who become panicked when it comes to disciplining their tweens or teens may turn to expert advice, only to find a lack of useful information. Some of the best articles are well intentioned, but only offer basic concepts and not specific techniques. Social media is resplendent with shoulds/coulds/musts. All of which I call slogans. I never offer slogans,I am passionate about SOLUTIONS.

Here are my “Power Tools” for establishing effective discipline in your family.

Impose Discipline. Your approach is key. Impose discipline in a businesslike manner, without getting worked up. Your tweens/teens are children and will fail. Remember cleaning up their poop? You didn’t get mad at them – you just did your parenting job. Well, it’s the same at this age, except now their poop is different. As a parent, clean up the mess they make, businesslike, and move on.

No yelling. Once you yell, you immediately lose. The least effective thing you can do in disciplining your child.

It has to hurt. Consequences should hurt. Parents often mete out consequences that have too little effect on their kids. The best practice is to take away something that they will really miss: cellphones, boyfriend/girlfriend, going out, computer, video games. And don’t let them hoodwink you with, “I need my computer for school.” There are ways around that.

Be a powerful parent. Don’t change the punishment once you have set it. Earn respect, be firm, and make sure they listen. You may realize you made a mistake and gave too harsh a punishment. I recommend that you still see the punishment through and apologize. You can both learn from this.

Be in your teen’s face. Don’t give consequences from afar (across the house, yelling from another room, etc.). Go right up to them. If you’ve asked several times for them to turn the TV off, go stand in front of it. Be firm and right there. But, keep up your ‘teaching’ attitude, not the punisher or mean attitude.

Don’t fight. Discipline is not a negotiation. Fewer words work best when disciplining. If it turns into a negotiation, they will win every time because this is their only focus, whereas you have various other adult life things on our mind.

Be a united front (with your partner, spouse, co-parent). If you disagree with each other’s decisions, have this out behind closed doors, not in front of your tween/teen, or on the fly.

Be timely. Impose the consequence as close to the offense as possible; YET don’t rush into a decision. Take your time – a reasonable amount of time.

Choose carefully. Choose your battles wisely. Decide those things upon which you are going to stand your ground. Some things are not worth stressing about.

End any discussion that is disrespectful. Simply walk away. Remember—they want something from you. Ending the conversation takes the rug right out from under them.

Set household rules. Set rules, but be reasonable. Your tween/teen needs to know what to expect or how to behave the way you want them to.

Be consistent. Give the same consequences for the same actions. Only ramp up consequences, don’t ramp down.

Communicate. Make sure you are clear and understood.

Be Patient. A teen may shrug it off and act as if the intended consequences don’t affect them. They are just trying to throw you off. Steady the course.

Lower your expectations. You’re not going to see an epiphany each time. Kids are a work in progress and they will not perform like adults, so don’t expect that out of them.

It’s ultimately all about LEARNING. Be sure to pair up the discipline with a lesson on how to do things better. Tie the consequence into the specific action the tween/teen did. Remember the previous point: their brain will not comprehend a consequence that tries to address the entirety of their behavior. And in disciplining your tween/teen, make sure you teach them how they could have done things differently.

Final Note: Of course these are brief comments and there is so much more to say about this important issue. See my manual for parents on this web site under the tab: Get Stuff/Buy Stuff.

 

29

April

2014

0

Dr John Mayer

CONFIRMATION! (No, not THAT confirmation. Ha!)

Confirmation!
(No, not THAT Confirmation)

My entire career I have been jumping up an down about the importance to students’ academic success of such behavioral and psychological issues as parental attitude, the best home environment to foster school success, parents’ actions toward schooling (Like attending parent/teacher meetings-special presentations, etc.) and the way parents’ talk about school in the home. I didn’t conduct research to arrive at these conclusions nor did I conduct a meta-analysis to arrive at these admonitions. They came out of my experience, psychological training and observations as a school consultant. Some time ago I put my findings in my parents’ manual: Getting Great Grades. (You can get a copy on my web site-see below.)

Now, I have come across a forthcoming book, based on the research of two sociologists that confirm what I have been saying for 30 years. The book’s title is: The Broken Compass: Parental Involvement with Children’s Education by Keith Robinson of the Univ. of Texas and Angel L. Harris of Duke Univ. Their findings based on extensive research of families and education was startling. The research showed that parents who directly helped with homework was ineffective in improving tests scores and grades. This result was shown across social class, racial or ethnic background or student’s grade level. Wow! The authors argue against ‘hovering parents’ and for the need of students to do the work on their own even if they struggle and fail. So direct help by parents on homework, special projects, reports, etc. had no benefit on positive academic performance.

Does that mean that parents are not at all important for children’s academic success? NO! And here’s where my confirmation is had. Parents are critical for how well a child performs in school, but not in the conventional ways like doing homework etc. They found that success was most strongly correlated with parents’ attitudes, communications, and actions toward school. Just as I have been advocating for years and with all the tips that I have in my book Getting Great Grades.

To read more about this upcoming book and the authors’ findings take a look at the article written about their work in the New York Times: http://opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com/2014/04/12/parental-involvement-is-overrated/

News!!! I just consolidated the Web Sites TeensTheFix.com and Parenting-TheFix.com and put all that material on my main Web Site here at: www.DrJohnMayer.com check it out 46 FREE PODCASTS and many, many resources for parents and schools. Most is free and the rest has nominal charges to comply with copyrights, etc. You’ll find Downloads of my books—Parenting Resources—Teacher & School Resources. For example, hailed as the most effective school-wide anti-Bullying program is there for $25.00! Schools and parents can even arrange for a personal, live tele-consult with me. No matter where you are in the U.S.

Prom & Dance Guidelines for Parents & Students

Prom Guidelines For Parents

Two undisputable facts should guide parents’ actions toward Proms:

Fact #1: Young people do not know how to “do” a prom unless they are shown. So many parents don’t help with this event, they simply allow the teen’s to handle everything on their own—this is not being a good or cool parent—kids have never done this before even if they went to someone else’s prom last year.

Fact #2: It is WRONG—DANGEROUS—ILLEGAL to allow your underage children and other’s underage children to behave illegally and immorally either in your home or with your knowledge outside of your home. You will be held legally accountable! Proms, senior dances, graduations are PRACTICE at being ADULTS, not PERMISSION to be an adult.

HOT Tips:

Help with plans. Know the schedule of events-this isn’t just any date! At least talk with the date’s parents-ideally meet with them. If the kids are using a Limo, introduce yourself to the Limo driver, so they know you are involved.
Cell phones are now your best friend. You can contact your teen throughout the night-let them know you will be calling—it’s okay to do this tonight—might even set up a special ring-tone. Call rather than text so you can hear what they sound like~let the date know you are going to be doing this so it’s expected.

What to do for your teen:

• Don’t just take pictures. Help with the event. Eagerly help with flowers, tux, and restaurant reservations. This has the great side-effect of including you in on what’s happening.
• Talk to your teen before the event. Tell positive stories about your time. It’s never too late for this! Your stories should be real and not meant to impress them. Your aim is to teach and share.
• Don’t try and be a COOL PARENT. By this time you either are one or not. Being cool is not obtained by letting your child and their friends drink or act sexual. (How sad is your life if you have to strain to get this acclaim from your teen and their friends–Grow Up.)
• Talk with the other parents involved. And certainly with the date’s parents. Even if it is to say hello and let them know you exist. Share your plans and these tips.
• Help with the planning. Sure that’s time out of your life and work, but again, if you’re involved then you know what’s going on and you’re more in control. Help arrange ‘after Prom’ events.
• HAVE CONTROL OVER THE EVENT. After all, you are probably paying for it, so you have a right to say how your money is spent.
• SET RULES—IF APPROPRIATE. If your teen has been a “knucklehead” all year (or since 12) then all of the sudden they are not waking up boy/girl scouts on Prom day. If you can’t trust them—then don’t— and set a curfew and other rules. Give only a set amount of money or don’t give out credit cards to those teens that haven’t deserved it. Conversely, be generous if they have earned it! This is a great time to reward them for good behavior.
• Do not support negative behaviors: Hotels, drinking/drugs, sexual acting out. Remember parents are now being held legally (criminally) responsible.
• WATCH YOUR MOUTH! Talk positively—don’t tease or be sarcastic (Dads!)—no put downs of the date, the event, the school, etc. This should be a fun, memorable event, not a stage for you to look good or be a comedian. It’s your child’s event.

This should be a fun, memorable event for parents as much as for teens!

Presented by: Dr. John E. Mayer. “National acclaim for helping teens and families” more at: www.DrJohnMayer.com

Prom Guidelines for Teens

This should be a FUN, MEMORABLE, ONCE-IN-A-LFETIME EVENT !

You have one chance at this—don’t blow it!

Drinking and drugs blur and may erase the memories you will have from this great event.

How sad is it if you feel like you have to GET HIGH to have fun at THIS event. You’re all dressed up, spent a ton of money, looking awesome, have a great date, this is all you should need to feel good. If not, you’re in trouble in life or, as your friends may say, you’re a loser!

Let your parents have fun too!

Sorry, this night is exciting and memories for them too. Put yourself in their shoes. They are proud of you and want to show you off. Relax, let them fuss a bit and act silly. It’s no reflection on you.

Establish Parent Rules by talking to them beforehand. They won’t know something is embarrassing to you unless you tell them. Example: “Dad, only 50 pictures, pleeee…ase!”

You will have fewer hassles from your parents if you: “Let them into the planning” and let them know what’s going on. My golden rule: Keep your parents off your back. You do this by including them. They will also be more generous.

Be in Control!

Don’t let others ruin YOUR and your date’s night.
Young ladies: You don’t OWE your date physical favors because he has spent a lot of money, showed you a lot of attention, blah, blah, blah…
Young Men: A real man makes no such demands on a woman. This is not the goal of the night.
Don’t be pushed into anything. (Even by your date!) This is your night. It is not your responsibility to entertain your friends with illegal or immoral behavior. This is your night!

Be Smart!

You know what is right and wrong—don’t make a decision that can ruin your life.

Remember this is a school event, even if off school grounds, your actions could spoil graduation and/or lead to other consequences from school. Not to mention from the law and/or physical harm. Arrests, car accidents, STD’s, broken bones and broken minds don’t disappear the next morning.

Historically, the Prom was a celebration that you have become an adult. Act like it. My golden rule #2:
Act like an adult-get treated like an adult.
Act like a child-get treated like a child.
OH, A NOTE ABOUT CELL PHONES~~NOTHING IS MORE RUDE TO YOUR DATE THAN TEXTING, TWITTERING, OR EMAILING SOMEONE ELSE WHILE YOU ARE WITH THEM. KEEP THE CELLPHONE IN YOUR POCKET OR PURSE. Of course, parents are the exception here.
Have the most wonderful time of your life!

www.DrJohnMayer.com

22

October

2013

0

Dr John Mayer

Immortal: The First Tango!

I’m pleased to announce that my latest novel, Immortal: The First Tango, is going to be published first in Mexico and South America by UANL Press. The largest or second largest publisher in Mexico and South America. UANL Press is the publishing division of the University of Nuevo Leon in Monterrey, N.L. Mexico. How appropriate that this romantic adventure story with Tango as a central theme is published first in the cultures that honor Tango.

18

October

2013

0

Dr John Mayer

The Epidemic of Immaturity!

            Dr. Mayer’s Memo

Oct. 2013

The Immaturity Epidemic

    As you know I am a fan of our young people. They have more talent, skills, physical abilities and information than previous generations. But, if there is a deficit that runs across the current generation of young people it is that they are IMMATURE. The last generation of youth was immature and the next generation will continue the trend. I am not alone in this analysis. Most experts agree. This is said not to insult them, but to understand them and guide them.

This condition is widespread among our youth. And, as I have stated above, it will continue to grow into the next generation. There are many factors driving this epidemic: our social/economic conditions, technology, parenting techniques, school demands, stress, and so on. Maybe in a later Memo we’ll dig into this.

Immaturity is most recognizable in late childhood years and the teen years. By definition young children are not expected to be mature. In addition, immaturity can exist well into adulthood.

What is Immaturity? An immature person is not fully developed, not adult-like. Immaturity is characterized by poor impulse control, lack of future orientation (looking ahead-concern about their future), sense of entitlement, emotional instability, lack of insight, lack of focus, poor judgment and lack of motivation.

How can you tell your student or your child is immature? Well, look to the above characteristics. Does your student, your child have those characteristics? If they do, chances are they are immature.

But, my child was sooooo mature when he/she was younger? Young children can display obedience, responsibility, engage with adults, be aware and intelligent, etc. and a parent or teacher can be fooled that this is one mature young man or young lady. Then, the teenage years hit and Bam! Something must be wrong with that super mature kid. They must be bi-polar, ADHD, depressed, on drugs or something because they changed. Well, they didn’t change. They didn’t grow—

Ok, what can we do? Well, first, everyone has to be on board with helping to grow the student/child into a mature person: home, school, teachers, coaches, mentors, activity leaders, everyone. Second, review again those characteristics of immaturity that I mentioned above. What solution will cut through each of these ‘deficits?’ Yes, it is STRUCTURE or GUIDANCE. An immature person needs concrete rules (guidance or structure) on how to succeed in each of these areas. We have been approaching young people in the opposite manner for decades. “They are xxxx years old, they should be doing yyyyy on their own!” This has been the common theme song. This is wrong! The immature youth needs concrete steps on how YOU expect them to act. Break every one of these deficits down and give the youth the steps to change. This can be simple to state, but hard to accomplish for the parent or teacher and school.

The problem is that there are so many characteristics of an immature young person’s life that need attention that you need specific tools to show you how to accomplish this guidance. (Or Structure) Well, the good news is that I have created a web site that has these tools. You can find help on 99.5% of what is troubling the immature youth at my web site:  www.TroubledTeens-theFix.com and www.Parenting-theFix.com . Visit the web site and see for yourself.

 

In my next Memo I’ll give examples how you can give concrete structure to immature youth.

 

 

Remember: This and more at: www.DrJohnMayer.com and www.TroubledTeens-TheFix.com

5

August

2013

0

Dr John Mayer

Take Off the Boxing Gloves and Enjoy Your Teen!

The Main Event:

A 10 round Championship Bout

It’s Not Us vs. Them!

Winning starts with a different attitude & approach… here’s how,

 

 

ROUND 1: MOM & DAD VS. JIM/JANE

“THE BODY” ADOLESCENT 

A BRIEFING ON YOUR TEEN’S PHYSICAL CHANGES

THE TEEN’S MIND:BODY:HOROMONES:MOODS

ROUND 2: THE GETTING OUT OF BED FIGHT

ROUND 3: THE CLEAN YOUR ROOM FIGHT

ROUND 4: THE HOMEWORK FIGHT

ROUND 5: THE CHORES FIGHT

ROUND 6: THE CELL PHONE FIGHT

ROUND 7: THE FRIENDS VS. FAMILY FIGHT

ROUND 8: THE BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND FIGHT

ROUND 9: THE YOU’RE NOT A PART OF THIS FAMILY FIGHT

ROUND 10: A KNOCKOUT!! PARENTS WIN!!!

LISTEN TO THE FULL PODCAST ON THIS AT :  http://tinyurl.com/muhrbp4

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